What To Do When Your Relationships Have No Depth

The other day I was talking to an acquaintance that I’ve known for over 15 years. The conversation was cordial, as usual. But it was pretty much a surface conversation. You would think that after knowing each other for so long our conversations would have some depth to them. But they never have.

Don’t get me wrong. I have great respect for this person. And I don’t expect all my relationships to be deep. But for some reason, our relationship has never gone beyond shallow conversation. No matter what I do to encourage deeper communication, there seems to be something there that just doesn’t let it grow.

Have you ever known anyone like this? Perhaps it describes you. If you’re not a deep person and really like to keep things light, most of your relationships may be like this. You may enjoy small talk. And you may not want to have deep relationships.

Let’s face it. There seems to be a lot of safety in shallow relationships. After all, you never have to be vulnerable. You never have to reveal who you really are. And you never have to worry about other people betraying who you are. As unreliable as most people seem to be today, this sounds like the perfect place to be.

But it’s not. Deep inside each of us is a desire to have rich, fulfilling relationships. Ephesians 4 tells us that all believers in Christ are part of His body and we have a role within that body. Our role is to equip the saints and to build up the body. And the goal for our work is to labor for the body to attain maturity (verses 12-13).

The Greek word used in verse 13 for maturity actually means “complete,” and, according to Strong’s Concordance, it refers to “various applications of labor, growth, mental and moral character, etc.” In other words, every part of the body must be complete, whether you’re talking about your mind, will, and emotions, or your works and labors. All of us must strive toward maturity.

When we remain shallow, we withhold parts of our own life from being completed. We hide it. We leave them to lurk in the shadows, where no growth can occur. And where growth doesn’t take place, death is close behind.

I believe Judas was just such a man. He never really grasped what Jesus was about. When the expensive perfume was poured on Christ’s feet, he completely missed the depth of love the woman had for Christ. The gift showed her vulnerability. It showed her deep devotion to Jesus. But Judas wanted the money to give to the poor — a noble pursuit, but it showed his lack of depth in relationships.

And, ironically, his shallowness led to betrayal and death. While so many try to protect themselves from others by keeping things shallow, they actually set themselves up to betray others or to be betrayed themselves.

Real safety lies in deep, rich relationships. No, they won’t completely protect you in this life. People still make mistakes — even those we love dearly. But the deeper your relationships go (beginning with Christ), the more joy you’ll experience in your time on earth. And you’ll lay up treasures in heaven as well. After all, the only thing you can take to heaven with you is your relationship with Christ and your relationships with other believers.

Remember, the goal is to help the body of Christ attain maturity. Like the farmer who toils over his crops, it takes work and effort. You have to be available to do the work. You have to pursue others. And you have to water the relationships regularly. A patient farmer who works hard will have a tremendous harvest. But a passive farmer rarely sees success.

How To Save A Relationship With Your Boyfriend

Perhaps you have been asking for help how to save a relationship with your boyfriend and you are wondering whether this is really possible. First of all, you should understand that there are very many women who are asking the same question. These are couples whose relationships are either at the brink of collapse or have completely broken up. It is indeed possible to save your relationship so long as you follow certain rules. Let us take a look at some of the pertinent issues.

Develop a positive outlook

Being positive is very important for success in different areas of your life. This does not mean that you will hold unrealistic thoughts, where you picture a world without any problems. When you want to know “how to save a relationship”, having a positive outlook has quite a great impact. When you think positively, you will have high hopes and feel much better.

Having a positive outlook will also help you in your association with other people. You cannot have such an attitude and it remains held within you such that other people do not notice it. People will tend to like your company when you look at the brighter side, and you will manage to draw your partner as well.

Adjust the expectations you have

You may get into a relationship with a guy with very high expectations, which will make you demand from him what is not humanly possible to achieve. This is a sure way of building disappointment and frustration in your relationship.

If you need help saving your relationship with your boyfriend, you will need to take a close look at your expectations and adjust them accordingly. In addition, you should not assume that your boyfriend is some kind of mind reader. Clearly spell out to him what your expectations are. However realistic your expectations are, you should not expect your partner to meet them when they are not known in the first place.

Forget the past and focus on the future

One of the major things that can stop you from realizing your desire to save your relationship is to keep thinking about the past. If you keep reminding yourself of the painful experiences you have had with a partner, how do you expect to move on happily with your lives? This is something that is bound to keep bringing ‘bad blood’ between you and your partner.

One of the best ways is to focus on the future instead. Learn from the previous mistakes and then move on without clinging to the resentment. Otherwise you may find yourself sitting on a time bomb.

To save your relationship you need to think of the appropriate methods to make the life ahead of you better by developing a stronger relationship with your boyfriend. If you do not let go of the past, you will finally break down and your relationship will break up.

Can I Date Someone Else And Make My Long Distance Relationship Work

Whenever we hear people ask about long distance relationship advice, most of us would just raise our eyebrows and ask them back if it is worth the time and effort. To make matters worst, some would even ask if they can date someone else and still make it work. To answer the question if its ok to date someone else even if you are already in a long distance relationship, here are some things to ponder to help you decide whether that set up will work or not.

How would you feel if you learned that your partner is dating someone else? Even though you are a liberated person, and thinks that letting your partner date someone else is OK, somehow it can still damage your relationship. No matter how open you are, you would still feel a tinge of jealousy that may cause fights in the end. We all know how hard it is to have a fight particularly you are miles apart.

Can you bear the thought of them being intimate? Intimacy and physical contact is vital in any relationship. This is one disadvantage when you are in a long distance love affair. If you let your partner date someone else, how sure are you that your partner will not change their mind in the end? Can you still fully trust your partner? Trust is vital in cases of long distance relationship. If your trust for your partner is not that strong, then no matter how much you love each other, it might still not work out.

Why would you want to date someone else in the first place? One common long distance relationship advice you will always find is your readiness and willingness to commit. If you had committed yourself to someone else, why would you need to see somebody else? When you say you are ready to be committed, you will be contented on everything your relationship has and would not look for someone to fulfill the things your long distance partner cannot give you at the moment.

How to make a long distance relationship work is not that easy as you think but it is attainable. By asking yourself the questions mentioned above and giving some time to think about it, you will then find the answer if you can risk your relationship by seeing someone else. If you feel that it will make your love and bond stronger, and then let it be. You just have to be open-minded and prepared to whatever consequences you might face in the end. This long distance relationship advice will serve as eye openers to those who are feel they can take their relationship to a different level.

Relationship Advice – 5 Ways To Open Your Heart & Connect With More Love

Are your chakras causing relationship problems? You may be thinking “chakra what?” And then doubly curious what it means to make your heart chakra happy. Many people are unaware of the chakra system that lives inside and guides us. Read on to learn more about how this system affects you and your relationship.

There are 7 chakras that run from the base of our spine to the crown of our head and are located a few inches in front of the spinal column. They cannot be seen physically, rather they are referred to as energy vortexes. They receive, assimilate and express our life force.

Relationship problems can arise when your chakras are out of whack because they interact with our psyche. If we have polluted thoughts these sites become clogged or stuck with this negative energy and get in the way of the natural flow of energy. This causes us to become out of alignment with who we really are.

In terms of love and romance, the heart chakra has to do with self-acceptance, self-love and the ability to love others. If you have unresolved pain from past issues of the heart or your current relationship is disappointing and less than luscious, you will find that you feel out of balance and the goal is to get back to a happy and healthy loving state.

You can ask yourself these three questions to figure out if your heart chakra needs some help:

1) Do you love yourself?
2) Are you able to forgive past hurts from others?
3) Do you blame yourself and others for all that’s wrong in your life?

If the answer is yes to any of the above then include these affirmations in your daily health regime:

1) “I am worthy of love”
2) “I release my pain and forgive the past. I am free to love.”
3) “I am loving to myself and others.”

Take action to improve your heart chakra by:

1) Singing.
2) Playing with a child or pet.
3) Taking a walk in nature.
4) Figuring out what brings you joy and happiness and doing it!
5) Phoning or spending time with someone you love.

Relationship problems are often caused by the stress our bodies and emotions are challenged with daily. Just like brushing your teeth, make it a ritual to take care of these energy vortexes to bring them back into harmonious alignment. Doing this on a regular basis ensures love and romance will always be yours.

How To Prevent Cheating In A Relationship And Make Your Relationship Last

Most couples who had gone through a divorce ask themselves, “Why did our marriage fail? What happened to transform the romantic relationship into a messy divorce?” One killer problem is infidelity. It is important for women to have some ideas on how to stop adultery from happening.

Why do partners become unfaithful? Among the many reasons is this: “they can’t get no satisfaction, and they try,” but they don’t know how.

Also, men are biologically programmed both to be promiscuous and committed to a relationship at the same time, so emotionally infidelity’s definition for men may not even be the same as for their wives. Women talk about the fear of commitment men have without considering that men’s reluctance comes from their taking commitments very seriously.

The following are some tips for you on how to prevent cheating in a relationship and maintain an intimate relationship:

1. Share and talk things out together — You both come from different backgrounds. You cannot avoid there being some topics about which you cannot come to the same decision. You cannot read each other’s minds. If you just assume you know how each other feels, you will not be able to catch problems while they are small. Sharing dreams, ambitions, and principles in life is very important, because you have to build a shared life together. It is best started before marriage to avoid conflict. If you don’t communicate frequently, you will begin to suspect each other’s motives, and that will certainly lead to divorce.

Be gentle here. Despite its vital importance, having to communicate can make your man very uncomfortable. Men have problems talking about feelings. Men have been ridiculed while growing up for showing emotions. Sports teach winning and losing, not negotiation. If he is unskilled at negotiation, he may fear that a conflict or acknowledged disagreement MUST lead to separation. You are probably more skilled at communication than he is, and being outclassed also intimidates him.

Also, be aware that men need precise, clear communication. Men thrive in a world of concrete, physical reality. They are often oblivious to non-verbal communication. Say precisely what you need them to hear. Just be careful it is not phrased as an attack. Men defend against attacks.

2. Be open and honest — Do not hide your negatives and shortcomings while you are dating. Do not be shy. Your partner will love and marry you for what he sees in you during your dating stage. During dating, you tend to hide your negatives, and intimacy develops even if you did not reveal everything about you. You cannot hide it forever. If you betrayed his trust before he committed, you have given him a motivation to betray yours afterward.

3. Trust — Mutual trust is vital. Trust grows along with intimacy. You cannot have sex and commitment without trust. Just keep the trust. Trust your partner without any signs of doubt. Expect your partner to trust you the same way.

4. Give time to your partner — Time is more precious than money. Time is authentic: You can pretend to care; you cannot pretend to be there. Go on dates alone, without your kids. This enhances your communication level and solidifies your mutual trust. This is also a perfect time to get to know each other even better. Getting to know each other does not end when you get married. Men want a woman’s attention, and if you don’t give your partner your attention, he will be attracted to someone who does.

5. Be flexible and adjust — Conflicts of ideas and interest may come anytime. No marriage is perfect. You will need to adjust sometimes to what your partner wants. Your partner will also have to adjust to you. The flexibility and adjustment should be mutual for a lasting relationship. You each must find out the other’s most important needs and make sure they are addressed, if you don’t want the other to seek to satisfy them elsewhere.

6. Laugh and play — Share happy moments as you did during the dating stage. It is important to laugh together about simple things. Don’t let responsibilities grind you down. Sometimes we hardly notice the beautiful things happening in our environment, because we just see them every day and aspire for even more than we have. Too much ambition without appreciating and laughing and playing in your everyday life is not healthy. A man may be swept away by a woman who brings him joy NOW.

7. Repeat the steps of intimacy — Couples who repeatedly reinforce and recall the entire stages of dating and the happy progress of intimacy tend to stay together longer than those who do not. The stages of intimacy start with looking in each other’s eyes, and precede through holding hands, embracing, and petting. You must have experienced that sex is more satisfying when you prepare for it by words and looks and small touches. Going through the stages of physical intimacy prevents making love from deteriorating into just having sex.

8. Be a good woman — Men are attracted to strong femininity. A man is deeply attracted to a “good woman” who exhibits feminine grace and strength. He will try hard to be worthy of her.

These tips should help you prevent infidelity from happening by creating a relationship so satisfying that neither of you feel the need to look elsewhere.

Just Before You Leap Into Marriage, Travel-test Your Relationship.

To keep the romance burning in your relationship, you have to add some extra effort. Do not sit there and mourn. The best way to revive your experiences together is through hitting the road. Most people are always in the comfort of their homes and they rarely travel to other destinations. Travel-test your relationship for more enlighten. The adventures involved in travelling rejuvenates a boring relationship and raises the levels of passion to new heights. It is an adventurous step to think of packing your bags and leaving your comfortable home. You are off course leaving behind routines, habits and things that keep your being together on neutral grounds. You might think that this will destabilize your union but on the contrary the new adventures brings the two of you even more closer together. Actually if a couple was living together as a boyfriend and girlfriend, after the long journey together, they decide to tie the knot as a way of legalizing their relationship.

Travel-test your relationship since it is a perfect way of testing how much compatible you are with your partner. The long hours spent on the road can reveal so much. May be you thought you were perfectly matched with your partner only to find that the few hours you spent in your comfort zone hid a lot. There is nothing as painfully sick as knowing where you belong. It is only in your journey that you can confront and identify any sought of incompatibilities with a person you thought you knew intimately. It might take ages for you to learn the same misgivings at a home setting. Romantic escapades are not scientific so don’t you dare treat your journey like a litmus paper test. It shines a new light to a relationship.

While contemplating about traveling you must put your expectations into consideration. You must ask yourself about why you want to go and where for that matter. Talk about your expectations and how you react if they are not met. The journey can get real bad if the financial matters are not well looked into. A lot of money is used in the journey. Plan on how to spend and how much to spend on accommodation, food and transport. If both of you ought to contribute you should discuss it and if only one partner is funding the travelling activity you should openly talk about it. Travel-test your relationship and you will learn how well you can solve with financial matters.

To travel-test your relationship, on your journey, you should be flexible enough because if you are planning about future decisions you cannot be certain that everything will go as per your plans. Compromise on destinations and expenses. The beauty of the journey is in the unexpected events and the interrupted schedules. You should consider the sociability factor. This means that you should decide whether you want company or you want to go it only the two of you as a couple. Travelling to unfamiliar places can be both emotionally and physically stressful so you should skillfully come around the situation. Have fun in the adventures and you will easily see your compatibility.

What To Do When Friends Interfere With Relationships

When two people first fall in love, it will usually take a little while for outside interferences to begin to creep in between the two of you, but sometimes there can be interferences right from the start. One of the biggest problems that can cause either delayed or immediate friction between some couples can be other friendships.

No one who you are in a relationship with should have the right to keep you from having friends outside of the relationship that the two of you have together. The big problem that will often arise from this is usually not that you have other friends, but the amount of space they take up in your life.

It is very true that some partners in a relationship can be very possessive of you and will think that they are the only one entitled to your attention. A relationship with someone that is this controlling can make for a terrible life.

Everyone needs friendships outside of a love relationship and this is a problem that will have to be corrected because if it is not one or both of you will be continually miserable. This is in the instance that your partner is being unreasonable. That is not always the case.

Sometimes there actually can be a problem that the other friends are creating in your love life. You must understand that a partner you are in love with expects to be first in your life as an overall understanding.

If you continuously place your friendships with others first, you can only expect a partner who tries to be reasonable about your other friendships to become frustrated. There is a lot of difference between a friend and a lover and it is your responsibility to know where to draw the line.

In normal relationships where couples have mutual respect for each other’s personal space, other friendships will not be a problem. If you are having problems because of other friends, look at the situation carefully and be honest with each other about the situation.

Are they being too selfish with you or are you spending more time with others than with your lover? There must be a way to compromise and it usually takes two to accomplish this. If your relationship is what it should be, then the two of you should be able to have friends and each other at the same time.

Broken Relationship Grief – How To Get Through The Pain Of Breakup

Coping with broken relationship sadness starts off with knowing just what every cycle is. As soon as you recognize this it’s simply mind boggling how much of a calming influence this can have on you and though the actual pain associated with a break up will not magically go away, being aware of what to anticipate can assist you deal with a break up a good deal better.

Many people could assume that there’s nothing to anticipate however that’s not necessarily correct. If this is you just keep in mind you’re special, no matter what anyone else said or did to you and that special person in your life is definitely waiting so that you should walk into it.

Therefore realize the five emotionally charged stages of romance despair and boost the recovery procedure. The following are the actual five periods.

Denial – going through a bad break up can be like a death in the household, it doesn’t sink in instantly and if the romance has been for any length of time then this particular denial phase of despair will take more time to get over. By just accepting as well as recognizing your loss you are able to hasten the actual grief process.

Anger – This is when you would feel as if it’s you versus the world. You need to vent and while you may not feel you’re animated, many others will and many would keep away from you. The actual key here is not to vent at other folks or your ex but devote some time for your self and vent out loud within your own place or perhaps get it down on paper and then read it and get rid of it.

Bargaining – quite often this could bring out the actual clingy and desperate presence in men and women. It’s whenever you understand what will happen and you suddenly choose to remedy it by announcing whatever you did is not going to take place again or you will change for the best or even make a deal with a greater power. This is the time you should have similar-oriented individuals such as you’d discover at Romance Blues.

Depression – although this is very common it really is a time when you need folks who are around you. Either as a result of social networking at Romance Blues or folks you rely on and value. Getting overcome in this stage might be daunting while you feel by your self and recognize all of your plans have vanished out the window.

Acceptance – this describes itself, acceptance usually means you’re experiencing light at the conclusion of the tunnel and also realizing he or she will not be a part of your life.

How to deal with shattered relationship suffering signifies being aware of and understanding these phases are natural and while it hurts going through them, it is really life’s technique of nursing you thru towards the other end a even better individual but only in the event you learn from your last relationship.

Maintaining A Healthy Long Distance Relationship

Maintaining a healthy long distance relationship will be a challenge. It takes two mature individuals who are able to speak so as to create it work. It can additionally take some sound long distance relationship advice, and that is where I come in.

In this text I’ve outlined some of the things that you’ll be able to do to form your relationship not solely survive, however thrive. I’ve additionally compiled some of the foremost common issues couples face and how to avoid falling into the identical traps in your relationship.

One of the first belongings you and your partner would like to try to to to ensure the continued strength of your relationship is to create certain you are each on the same page. Create certain you agree on whether or not or not you’ve got an exclusive relationship. If one partner thinks it’s ok to date whereas you are apart and the opposite one is staying monogamous, the connection is doomed from the start.

For the most part, a couple will not even ponder a monogamous long distance relationship unless each parties feel the relationship has the potential to be a future one. There is no sense making this sort of commitment unless you each feel that the opposite person would possibly be ‘the one’.

Another issue you and your partner would like to do is make positive you’ve got sensible communication skills. When you are so much aloof from each other for extended periods of your time, and you can’t have physical contact, you’ll need to rely solely on your communication skills to continue to build your relationship.

That’s why long distance relationships, when they last, are a number of the most effective relationships around. The couple has to be told to communicate effectively to create it work, and they do not get distracted by all the physical attraction. They’re able to connect on a deeper level which can typically cause a a lot of fulfilling relationship.

If you’re an insecure person, though most folks will not admit it if they are, you ought to avoid obtaining involved in a long distance relationship. Being during this type of relationship requires a nice amount of trust, typically folks who are insecure see a threat everywhere, even where there isn’t one.

If you and your partner are overly suspicious, not solely can your relationship be a relentless battle, it will also be unlikely to work. No good relationship will be based mostly on suspicion and insecurities.

You and your partner additionally need to be careful of the temptation to possess a ‘fling’ with someone whereas off from your partner. Unless you both agree before that some extracurricular activity is ok (and if that’s the case why trouble pursuing a long distance relationship in the primary place) than you ought to stay faithful to your partner.

If you want to keep up your long distance relationship you have got to understand ahead of your time that it will be a challenge and you and your partner both need to be committed to making it work, but if you follow my long distance relationship advice you and your partner have a real shot of getting a great, long run loving relationship.

Can You Have A Relationship With A Narcissist

What are most of us wanting for today once we enter a relationship Really, I am going to handle this text to girls as a result of, the reality is, most narcissists are men. This isn’t to say women can’t bring their own issues to a relationship. However ladies are additional inclined to be Histrionic or have Borderline Personality Disorder, not Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD.
That said, let’s come back to to considering whether or not or not you even need to try to own a relationship with a narcissist.

I guess you need to perceive something concerning narcissism before we discuss this query further. 1st of all, realize narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic symptoms can occur in varying degrees. In different words, someone may be diagnosable as having full fledged Narcissistic Temperament Disorder, while another person might just show what you may see noted in web articles as unhealthy, pathological, or malignant narcissism. Even lesser degrees of narcissism will be problematic in an exceedingly relationship, though.

How many of the criteria for Narcissistic Temperament Disorder must a person meet within the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders for him to be unhealthy news for a relationship Frankly, I am unable to answer that question. But what you would like to understand is that this Usually you can be seduced or sucked into a relationship with a narcissist, believing you’ve got just met your white knight. In time, though, you’ll realize his armor is not quite as shiny as it first appeared.

Indeed, you might be sucked into a relationship with a narcissist as a result of they’ll be quite charming. They usually do grasp how to be romantic, and it’s not uncommon for the sex to be nice at initial, too.

But then, after awhile, you would possibly come back to understand it’s a lot of about him. You may feel he has to offer a great performance, and you are perpetually expected to commend him for a job well done, too. And rather than feeling closer to him, instead, you might feel you are turning into more and additional like an object.

No, you do not feel like he very loves you, or he needs only to be with you-though he in all probability acted that manner in the beginning.

Perhaps this shouldn’t surprise you, however. See, a relationship with a narcissist is really all about him. He treats others as objects. He doesn’t have should use for other individuals, in fact, different than for how they could facilitate him get his desires and desires met. And really, a relationship with a narcissist would possibly appear to incorporate nice sex at 1st, however then gradually switch into sexual abuse.

The transition might be so gradual that you do not truly see the truth about what was happening-or where you have got ended up. But if you stop and assume regarding your sexual relationship with the narcissist, you may well understand you have been doing things that don’t attractiveness to you sexually, but only to him. In fact, they might create you feel degraded and dangerous concerning yourself.

If you are in love with a narcissist, you may soon feel you are the victim of his narcissism even though at 1st, you thought you were the luckiest lady in the planet to own captured the heart of this man. Well, at least you thought you had captured it, as he pulled you into a whirlwind romance and showered you with flowers and gifts, then whisked you off to romantic getaways.

The day can probably come, however, after you bemoan the very fact he does not bring you flowers anymore.

In time, you’ll have several complaints about your relationship with this narcissist, especially because the fog lifts and you see things more clearly. Yes, then you might realize you were conned into thinking this relationship was visiting be concerning things it ultimately was not.

You might discover it’s hardly a relationship in the way that you define the word. Rather, it’s regarding you usually worrying regarding what would possibly please or displease him. It’s regarding you doing things that you don’t like, and that may even be against your personal values, for that matter.

You’re trying therefore onerous to please him, and for a couple of reasons, too. You might believe this manner, you can avoid his narcissistic rage. You furthermore may hope and pray he can go back to acting like the man he was in the beginning. You shouldn’t expect this if you are in an exceedingly relationship with a narcissist, however.

Bear in mind, that was an act to suck you in. Currently, though, is he walking around being his self targeted and grandiose self, participating in emotional abuse and verbal abuse that cause your self price to slip away daily If so, you are confronting the person he will in all probability continue to be.

You might be ready to survive a relationship with a narcissist. However sometime, you would like to awaken and ask yourself Is that this the approach I very wish to live After all, didn’t I say I needed a loving relationship that was primarily based on a solid partnership.

Don’t expect that from the man displaying unhealthy levels of narcissism. No, remember, he does not need to be diagnosable as having full fledged Narcissistic Personality Disorder to make your life miserable.

And extremely, isn’t life too short to spend it loving a narcissist who cannot love you back I made a decision against a relationship with a narcissist, however you’ve got to create your own choice.